Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
