I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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