Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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