Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
