Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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