yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
