and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You took a bar mat shot.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
