she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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