Im at strip club and am horny
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
