How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
