I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
