worst night to have a conscience
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
