You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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