I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
