I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
