***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
