She is in my trunk
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
