So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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