My first STD was from a foam party
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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