smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
MIDGETS
????
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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