i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
