Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
