Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
