Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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