who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
