Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
