i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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