her vagine was all disorganized.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
