We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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