I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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