You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
