No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
