he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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