I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
