help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
