I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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