i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
