Already got asked if we're dating
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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