hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
