im six kinds of drunk right now
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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