don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I smell stomach acid.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
