So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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