I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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