This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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