they call him Oral-B. enough said
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
