this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I fill condoms, not promises.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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