Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This baby is an asshole
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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