As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
