just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
