gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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