i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The feeling are messing with the penis
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
