She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
