i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
