Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
