My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fill condoms, not promises.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
