I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
