We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
