My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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