Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When are your genitals available?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
